I watched this eye-opening video this morning and realized that this video embodies all that I seek to understand. Human behavior love versus hate. Peace versus conflict. Parental Love versus Parental Alienation.
A Kidnapped Mind, Children of Divorce, Douglas Darnall, father's rights, mother's rights, Parental Alienation, Parental Alienation Syndrome, Post-Divorce Issues, Reunification, Richard Warshak, Step-Families
Gosh, it’s good to get back at the keyboard again. Just so you all know, I have 5 biological kids under the age of 9 so I have a very limited amount of time for blogging. Nevertheless, writing was and will always be my passion, although, at present, I obviously don’t get much in the way of “me time” around here.
So, let me get down to the nitty gritty of why I am here, and why I’ve been absent for the past month or so. First, I splurged on an armful of brand new books, and have since fallen in love with Amazon.com. I’ve been living with my nose inside a book with every free moment I’ve come across (mostly waiting in the car during school pick-ups, or while letting the kids have free-play at the Y, and all those other convenient, and not so convenient moments where I can sneak a book before my eyes. I’ll give a full list in just a moment, however, these books are nothing new to the PAS community.
Second, and more importantly, my husband has been reunifying with my step-daughter after one entire year of unreturned voice mail messages, no reciprocating contact, and no visitation. This surprising, and joyful turn of events came immediately after my husband’s younger cousin, who was visiting us over Christmas vacation, requested a get together with my step-daughter. My husband dropped off his cousin to meet with his daughter and got the stinkeye and a cold-shoulder from his own flesh and blood, the fruit of his loins. In turn, he made a comment to his former wife how surprised he was at how “rotten” she had become. When his cousin came home, full with details, we learned my step-daughter “couldn’t care less about her dad even if he died in a car accident”. Ugh, that was hard to hear. Everything else I lapped up excitedly and couldn’t get enough; what did she look like, what was she wearing, was she happy, did she talk about boys, what type of music does she like, etc… (NOTE TO READERS: DON’T SWEEP THE FEELINGS OF STEP-PARENTS UNDER THE RUG, WE YEARN FOR OUR STEP-CHILDREN ALSO.) Although this sounds horrid, less than one week later my dear step-daughter reached out to my husband and asked if they could get together! Since January, they’ve been getting together nearly every week. There is also talk about her contacting her grand-parents. I really doubt that she is ready for the whole 9 yards with the entire family, but simply to savor this reunification with her dad is priceless and brings me to tears!
Ironically, my brother-in-law, who has been alienated from his son for the past 5 years+ (and probably more like 10+) has reunified with his son AT THE EXACT SAME TIME AS MY HUSBAND! My brother-in-law, now has his son back in his life, along with a daughter-in-law, and in just a couple months his first grand-daughter! It is so much excitement I can hardly bear it!
That is why I’ve been in my head this past month or so! Take time to savor the sweet moments in life! This is the first reunification my husband and his daughter has gone through. The alienation has gone on for at least 10 years, with the past three years my step-daughter succumbing to Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). I don’t know where it will go from here. Will she want to relationship with the rest of her family? Will she turn against her dad again? What if she wants to have a relationship with her half-brothers and sister, but not me? I have so many questions, yet I have no possible way to answer them. Apparently, she still has a lot of anger and acts cold, yet this is a huge step in the right direction. The process is utterly confusing, but I hope and pray for the best. That is about as much control as I have. My own prayers.
Now, about those books I mentioned:
That’s my story. For now anyway. Hopefully I’ll have more to report on after this weekend, when I’ll be meeting up with folks from around New Jersey to discuss Parental Alienation awareness and actions.
Big Bear Hugs to all the families out there affected by Parental Alienation.