For the past three months, my husband has been meeting up with his daughter on a regular basis (more or less). Read back through my blog, and you can see how the process played out. However, as a quick background; essentially three years my bonus-daughter succumbed to Parental Alienation Syndrome, and thus cut off her dad and the entire side of his family. They attempted therapy with a therapist that was hand picked by my husband’s former wife. In fact, the therapist is a business partner with my husband’s ex-wife, so I’m sure you can imagine how biased she was. No need to comment further, right?
An entire year went by with consistent e-mails, voice mails, and letters from my husband which all went ignored in their entirety by his daughter and his ex-wife, before there was a sudden change this past January. My bonus daughter initiated a call to her dad. Of course my husband greeted the opportunity with a renewed sense of passion and has been loving every moment of it.
So, the reunification has been going great, considering its only been three full months. At first it was almost painful for my husband, as his daughter would send him an “appointment” e-mail, and carry out the time together as though he were her tutor; very formal and unemotional. However, after about a month and a half she slowly started opening up and there has been great progress. When he comes home from his visits with her he comes straight upstairs and enjoys telling me every detail. My dear husband is enjoying every second of having his Princess back in his life. In turn, I am loving hearing every detail and live vicariously through those details. I then tell his parents and sister the details and they are happy. When good things happen people become joyful, of course!
Well, there is also the confusion and paid of this joyful process. You see, my husband and I have five children together. My youngest, who is only two years old does not know her big sister yet. However, my oldest son remembers his big sister fondly. My eldest son and my bonus daughter were like Frick and Frack; inseparable and best friends. Two peas in a pod those kids were. So, when his older sister suddenly stopped coming to our home, he became very confused. When he would call her house to speak to her, she would hang up on him. The other children were confused as well, but I think it was most difficult on my oldest son.
Over the years, my boys described what was happening to their sister the only way they could by using Star Wars terms, “she has crossed over to the dark side”. Referring to quotes from Yoda, the children attempted to understand what was happening with their sister, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” The boys were able understand that young Anakin Skywalker was a great Jedi, but fear ultimately led him on a path to the dark side of the Force, allowing himself to become the full blown antagonist, Darth Vader. During his tenure as Sith Lord, Darth Vader effectively enmeshed and united with Darth Sidious and the two of them ruled over the Galactic Empire. However, even Darth Vader could not deny the everlasting power of LOVE and ultimately found redemption when he sacrificed his own life, to save his own son, Luke Skywalker. So, my children have held onto the hope that Love will prevail for the past three years.
However, a recent turn in events is leading me to believe that maybe our own family saga has a chance to turn away from the dark side. After three years of living through hell, coping with the effects of a severed relationship and Parental Alienation Syndrome, my family is rejoicing in a little bit of sunshine. WHY?? My bonus daughter just spent a long holiday weekend at my in-laws home. WHAT!? I know, amazing, right? My children were able to go there and spend hours reuniting with their sister; my youngest daughter has already fallen in love with her only sister. My in-laws, the proud grandparents that they are, where able to take in four days with their eldest grandchild; they were able to know their grand-daughter as a teenager. My husband had the most relaxing weekend knowing his children were all together, happily, under one roof for the first time in three years…
With that, we have renewed hope for the future.
Be well and stay strong and positive.
“Remember, a Jedi’s strength flows from the Force. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.” – Yoda