I’ve heard of such cases where the alienated child becomes abusive, only now to experience it first hand.
After more than three years our family has grown accustomed to living life encompassed by the dark shadows of PAS, but in the beginning of 2012 a bright ray of light shown through the clouds, as my step-daughter started to show an interest in reunifying with select family members on my husband’s side. This weekend my husband and I sent our four boys (her half-brothers) for the night to my in-law’s house where my bonus-daughter was staying for the weekend. My husband and I found out at some point during that night my bonus-daughter was physically abusive to my youngest son. Nothing incredibly major, but enough to be concerned about how to proceed with the children’s relationship. After the boys came home the next day, my eldest son causally told me (not aware of the gravity of the event he was disclosing to me) that his sister “became very, very angry and pinned (my youngest son) down to the floor and forced him down the stairs”. Apparently my youngest son was told to sleep downstairs, but wanted to sleep upstairs with his brother and sister. My bonus-daughter is nearly 11 years older than my youngest son, who just turned 5 last week.
Is this indicative of things to come? Or is this common sibling annoyance behavior? The distance in their relationship and the amount of time they’ve spent apart makes me believe this might be a sign of things to come. This same psychical abuse; my step-daughter hitting her half-brothers, happened immediately before she cut off contact with my husband in his family. Prior to the “issues” that she was experiencing before she succumbed to PAS, she was quiet, respectful, sweet, and caring (albeit slowly and surely being brainwashed).
Any professionals or other parents who are reading this post care to take a shot at what to do? Are her underlying issues preventing her from having a loving relationship with her half-siblings? Because she wants to reconnect with only select family members, do we give her more time before introducing her younger brothers who are crazy in love with their sister? If next time she comes to my in-law’s home, we just send our oldest son (who she is closest with) but keep our younger sons away will that only be alienating the children and cause more hurt for them?
Parental Alienation does not only hurt the alienated child. Think of PAS as a stone tossed in the still waters of a lake; a ripple effect is sure to occur. My step-daughter is in the middle, with our entire family from closest to distant are all affected by losing her.
Personally, I believe my stepdaughter’s anger, rage, and hatred is covering up her pain that she is not allowed to speak about. Her pain is understandable.
What the heck do we do?