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Tears of an Alienated Adult Child:  An Original

Growing up I was a carefree child,

Sort of, maybe, kind of…not really.

I loved my life, I think.

I lived with Mom and but seldom saw Dad.

Although I have nothing but great memories of dad and his family,

They seem stop at age seven.

I only recently learned Mom’s “reason” for keeping me from him,

Moving across country without informing him,

and telling me I’ll see him next no less than the age of 18.

DYFS, court, police: all before the age of 3.

Dad and I spent 11 years apart,

and I grew up in Mom’s image.

I came second to her friends, and to her needs,

and was dragged along during her whimsical journey of life.

I lived on TV dinners and

Felt comfortable in an empty house.

I put myself to bed and I spent entire days locked in my room.

I loved solitude…

As I grew up I looked for acceptance.

I found it among the misfits.

I grew into a cold and heartless teenager,

With a bleeding heart and longing for love.

I jumped at the first boy who said

“No one will love you like I do”.

I thought I finally found true love and acceptance

but I was beaten, controlled, and abused.

But that was then.

I’ve grown into a responsible adult.

I’ve dealt with my issues head on and I am proud of who I’ve become.

After many years of therapy, soul-searching, and questioning

I have found the woman I want to be.

But tonight I received news that my mother,

My dear mom, my only mom…

Only has months to live.

I cried like a baby, like a 5 year old,

Like a lost teen.

Her cancer has spread, and that will be the end.

My mother who alienated me from my dad.

My mother who put others’ needs before mine.

My mother who raised me with a certain amount of dysfunction,

and I still live with that inner-conflict today.

My only mother, in fact, there is no other.

I can’t turn back.

My father is gone 9 years now

My mother soon to be.

I was an alienated child,

With only my God-given family.

However how my mother raised me,

and the ensuing years of therapy

I only have one Mother,

and I love her.

The woman who alienated my dad and me.